The E Train Chronicles

This is why I try not to ride the E train after 10pm. There is always some shi* I just cannot explain. I encountered these 2 last Thursday night. There are so many questions that I have I don't know where to start. If they looked like homeless people it would not have been noteworthy. But since they are dressed like college professors or members of a country club I had to wonder why they were so spent? or bent? and why were they riding a Jamaica bound E train after 10pm at night? Did someone roofie them? but why? I could go on but I guess certain things are not to be explained.

The "Whoa!" Remix Challenge

The "Whoa!" remix popped up on my ipod the other day as I was enjoying a nice shuffle. It isn't the first time this has happened. and I'm always tempted to listen to it because of the beat and because of how hard Rah Digga comes in on the first verse. But it's always a mistake. Your nostalgia and general respect for the original "Whoa!"by Black Rob may tempt you to listen to this remix. But you'd be making a mistake. They should change the name of the "Whoa!" remix to the "Bring-your-wackest-verse-or-your-least-favorite-rappers-rhymefest circa 2000".. It's terrible. and you know it's going to be once you realize someone let Lil' Cease go second. or at all. and it continues to go down hill from there. I tried to get all the way through this 8 minute fiasco but by the time I got to Black Rob's verse and realized he didn't even have any respect for his own remix I gave up. So I challenge you. See if you can make it through this entire song really listening. Not facebooking or emailing or planning lunch while it's on in the background.  If you can do it, you win an invitation to listen to the original "Whoa!".

"My Panama niggaz hold me down like WHOA, my New York peoples hold me down like WHOA" 

Life Outside the Matrix... A Comedic Tragedy

For the purposes of this poem

The Matrix (may-tricks), noun; is defined as…

-A place on this earth, where people enjoy the whimsy and simplicity of living with short or non-existent memories of unpleasant or inconvenient truths

This is about the misfortune of living just outside of the Matrix

Where I live.

‘bout half mile from the McDonald’s…. Any McDonald’s

Close enough to know many people that live inside

But far enough to know I can’t live inside myself

Outside feels like the kinda place

Where the raw sewage that they aren’t supposed to dump into the river would flow

It’s desolate, quiet.

More muted than naturally quiet

It rains a lot, but few things grow

There are no children here. Or there shouldn’t be

It gets cold it gets hot

Rarely is it just right

We can only enter the Matrix with our masks on

No one inside wants to be reminded of outside.

Our own little District 9

Those of us who live outside wouldn’t have it any other way

Despite how much we bitch and complain

Somehow we still feel more fortunate

Like an exclusive crew of hapless misfits

In our place, our position

Outside the Matrix

We are now renting space with the option to buy

Poet Like

I have a poem in my head

And I can’t get it out

I have a poem in my head

And I can’t get it out

I have a poem in my head

And I can’t get it out

Which is ironic because I’m not a poet

(it’s 2AM…maybe I am a poet)

po·et/ / [poh-it]

–noun

1. a person who composes poetry. (yea ok. that’s helpful)

2. a person who has the gift of poetic thought, imagination, and creation, together with eloquence of expression. (now that’s more like it)

I am not sure if it’s a gift

But I have a lot of thoughts

Some imagination

Sporadic creation

Questionable eloquence

Expression.. I can do expression

“I think therefore I am”

But I write. Therefore I-AM- ILLer...than most

There’s this poem in my head and I must write it down

Small Talk is for Suckers

Small talk is painful, I hate it and I want it to die. Working in corporate America makes small talk totally necessary to my mere survival as a normal, socially acceptable individual but I despise it. Someone has to make it stop! If someone asks me how my Fourth of July weekend was I am screaming out in pain in my head. I tell them it was good and then if they need more I force out a comment about time with friends and family and then right before I throw up I try to end the conversation or walk away. And sometimes I’m forced to ask “how was yours?” Which really sickens me almost as much as the smell of tuna because now I am becoming part of the problem. I can’t take it. I don’t even want to listen to other people partaking in it. And for some people it’s their only form of conversation. So why not just stay quiet?

Then one person wanted to follow the miserable conversation up with a question about whether or not I’m taking any vacation time this summer. WHO CARES?

Me: yea just a few days to go see my brother in Texas

Coworker: oh Texas. It’s gonna be hot

Me: yes...hot (fake laugh, faker smile)

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Frivolous Lawsuits?

We all hear the stories of people who make millions of dollars off of "frivolous lawsuits". One of the most famous is the woman who sued McDonald's because her coffee was too hot. An HBO Documentary film that I recently saw explores the idea that major corporations spend a great deal of money on PR campaigns to get the media to make sure that we think that people are abusing the legal system and suing companies just because they are greedy. Once again, we have to accept the idea that we are not getting the full story. Corporations work hard to make sure we don't get the whole story and that average people do not feel free to stand up for themselves and hold companies accountable for their actions. The image I put here is a screen shot from the "Hot Coffee" documentary showing the burns on the thighs of the old woman who spilled the McDonald's coffee on her legs. She was initially seeking help with medical bills and did NOT get millions of dollars and it turns out McDonalds' coffee, at almost 190 degrees was in fact too damn hot and there were 700 other complaints and burn victims on record at the time of this woman's (Stella Liebeck) lawsuit. Check out the "Hot Coffee" documentary. It also explores three other civil cases where the regular citizen was made to seem frivolous or crazy when they sought retribution or "justice".