Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A boy needs his father.. his mother.... he needs PARENTS!

A few days ago I was sent an article / web post asking the question “Are black women destroying black boys”. I try not to buy into headlines and topics that are baseless and specifically designed to get people to read them and pay attention to whoever the writer is. I also think some people make certain generalizations and blanket statements just to be overly provocative and controversial. Controversy can be good, but some controversy is not meant to inform or educate or provide an intelligent alternative view point. Some is just for attention. The article was like a four year old jumping up and down saying “look at me, look at me I had a thought today and wrote it down”. Okay I get it.  I will pay attention and I will say the question is ridiculous.

Are some parents of all races bad parents YES. We all have mommy and daddy issues of some kind no matter how mild or severe. But are black women the major problem with black boys? NO. Most times we are what is right about black men. Not what is wrong with them. Most black boys would be orphans without a black women (and that’s not me talking that’s the fact, the statistic) so for better or for worse they aren’t single handedly ruining their sons. The article calls out a specific woman that this person knew (so he says) and comments that the woman drove the father away and then ruined her son with lack of discipline, beauty shop talk, neck rolling and other stereotypical Shonequa, Bonquisha, Shenene type behavior. The young man ended up a drug addicted criminal and it’s all his mother’s fault. First let me say no one can drive you away from your child if you want to be with him. No one!! Not even an evil bitch of a baby momma (I’m sorry Ms. Jackson…Forever-ever?!). That’s what courts are for. But what the article doesn’t mention is that the absent parent can usually do even more damage than the one who is actually there doing their best. It doesn’t account for the fact that kids sometimes “act up” or “act out” as a result of their feelings of anger, hurt or rejection from missing their dad. The article implies that the missing parent is absolved of responsibility because he simply wasn’t there to ruin the kid. This point is so beyond ridiculous I am kind of annoyed that I am even commenting. But I do want to say that in the black community, we have gotten so accustomed to black men not being around and not being real fathers that the mother is automatically to blame if something goes wrong. And it is considered the norm that she should be able to do the job of both parents to perfection. And like in this case, if the child turns out to be a less than productive member of society it was because she ruined him by making him watch reality TV or taking him to the hair salon or something. (Oh and being around a lot of women can’t make a boy gay.. stop it!)

A child is not a crime, like if you weren’t there then you didn’t do it. You had an alibi. It doesn’t work that way. As for the men who are actually there, they need to understand that they are supposed to be as much of a parent as the mother is. Not like a bonus parent when they are in the mood. Jerks!

And if someone is a bird, a chicken head or a hood rat of a mother, then she too had some parents that failed her along the way. No incident is isolated. Both parents need to work together to break a negative cycle. Everyone is responsible for little Ray-Ray snatchin’ chains on the F train or worse. And get little man in check because I ride the F train and I don’t want to see him playing music out loud from his phone, throwing garbage on the floor, taking up 3 seats or cursing loud or any of that non-sense.

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