Friday, January 28, 2011

State of the Union... A Poem

I totally intended to watch Barack's State of the Union Address on Tuesday but I fell asleep. So here's mine.

The rich get richer
or at least they stay rich
The poor get poorer
and they certainly stay poor

Upward mobility is at an all time low
My man MA$E once said "Niggaz ain't cheap they broke"

And are they ever!

My President is black
All my bosses are still white
The American Dream is now an R&B singer
The old American Dream relocated to India...or China
with the jobs

You're better off coonin and bufoonin
(or whatever your ethnicity's version of that is) on MTV
than getting a college degree

You can't afford to get sick
Your family can't afford for you to die

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.."

God Bless you Lady Liberty
We've been here all along

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

HOMO-THUG... The Solution

Let me start by saying I got this picture from another blog that I saw so I do not claim to be the one who discovered this. But I have seen these fools on the streets in passing so I am going to feel free to propose my solution to the problem.
Homo-Thug was a term made popular back in late 90's. Maybe it started with the N.O.R.E album but feel free to correct me in your head if I'm wrong. Either way I think it needs to come back because that is all I can think of when I see this image. I don't care if they think they are gay or not. I think the solution to this problem is to have actual gay men, big BURLY, just got outta jail Mutha effers go around grabbing asses and straight hollering at these boys like they are chics!

"Ayy yo Pa. come over here let me talk to you.. don't be like that" or " Shorty! Shorty with the gray boxer briefs. You lookin good Son!... I see you" or "DANG Pa, you got a jiggly little thang thang. Can I walk with you?"

If stories of these aggressive gay ex-cons start going around the hood, little boys will pull their pants up and protect their adolescent butt holes.
We need this guy to get after them. BOOTY WARRIOR

Monday, January 17, 2011

My MLK Day Post

I just realized that the HIV / Anal Cancer Ad probably should not have been my MLK day post. So to make up for that here is my official MLK day post. I Love Dr. King. I mean who doesn't right? I didn't grow up with one of those velvet Dr. King framed pictures in my house but there was always an unstated respect as I think there is in all black households. But how many of us really go to MLK specific events on MLK day and how many of us just enjoy the day off? Now I am not going to be the one to try to make you feel guilty about that. I am home right now. In my pajamas, blogging.
MLK was the one black leader that they did actually teach you something about in school so I think all kids know at least the basics about him and know why he is to be admired but I am more concerned that he is really one of the few that we actually do learn anything about. So on this MLK day I am urging people to go learn about some other powerful black historical figures that don't get as much burn as Dr. King does. Maybe because they were too radical or because they weren't particularly non-violent or because they may not have been as "safe" for teachers to discuss. But they were important to American History nonetheless. Not just Black History.
Another thing to ponder is why we do not get out and get organized and get angry about anything anymore. Is it because things are better enough on the surface to keep us content and docile and somewhat paralyzed? We can get good education and jobs and afford nice clothes and cars and live in certain neighborhoods so we have just enough to lose that we aren't willing to sacrifice it for the bigger picture or the greater community. Let's have a moment of silence for Dr. King and our willingness to fight.

Because HIV Isn't Scary Enough

JEEEZUS! ANAL CANCER?! alright alright we get it. Please use condoms. I wonder if these kinds of Ads accomplish what they set out to accomplish. They are certainly driving the point home. I am not sure if I am offended by it or if I support it. It's just a lot to see when you are eating Saltines watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Poops There It Is!

Soooooo...Um.... Never Mind. Draw your own conclusions.
I hope that at least the 69 boys or Tag Team or whoever's "Whoomp There It Is" was sampled here got paid. For some reason that would make me feel better about it.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Inside Job Movie Review

A friend of mine asked me why I couldn’t just go see “The Fighter” like normal people when I went to the movies this weekend. And while I like Marky Mark and all, I went to see “Inside Job”. Which sounds like it could be about a bank heist but “Inside Job” is a documentary about the 2008 financial crisis that probably isn’t playing in more than 1 or 2 theatres in your city. It is only playing in 2 theaters in NYC. And why should it get wider distribution? The topic isn’t pleasant. I left the theater feeling frustrated more than anything else. Not because the film is not awesome but because the information is unsettling.
We all know there was a crisis, we heard about Lehman Brothers and AIG and Wall Street evil rich people but this film gives you the details. Not “details” in a way that makes your head spin and reminds you why you hated or avoided finance classes in school (ok maybe that was just me) but details in a way that makes you understand what happened, who knew it was coming, who was effected domestically and globally and who could have stopped it and why they didn’t care to. And at the end of the day we all know who gets big fat cow dung dropped on their heads. Yes, us the little people. The working people. Well with close to 10% unemployment I guess you are lucky if you are part of the “working people”.
We all know how wide the gap between rich and poor has become. But the film also addresses the fact that for the first time in forever, kids in this country are not likely to have more education or better opportunities than their parents did. That just struck me as particularly sad.
So I say go see it. Be warned, there are details about just how filthy stinking rich some of these people really are, there is gruesome and gory details about how much some people just don’t give a f*ck and there is graphic information and imagery regarding the kind of money that was made by screwing the little people. Not recommended for those with sensitive stomachs, those who are hormonal or emotional, those who have recently lost their home due to foreclosure or those who recently bought mega millions lottery tickets and didn't win shi*. Ima need to see ya effin hands if you got student loan debt, home loan debt, credit card debt ,car loan debt or all of the above.. Holla! You are living the American dream.

On the Ugotthejuicenow blogspot rating scale I give “Inside Job” 4 out of 4 cups of juice.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I'm Not The Help

Maybe the title is too harsh but why must everybody at my job assume I work in the call center? I DON’T and not that there is anything wrong with the call center. But weren’t we taught not to assume? And at least non-black people keep their assumptions to themselves. But black people are the worst. They like to voice their assumptions out loud. And the ones that know I do not work in the call center look at me funny for not working there.

Yesterday, company cafeteria, at the cash register. Me as myself, Cashier as young black woman.

Cashier: Maybe I should get a job in the call center. Is it really that hard?
Me: I’m not sure. Doesn’t sound like it should be too hard
Cashier: Do you like it?
Me: I don’t work there
Cashier: Oh you DON’T! (pause for shock and awe).. So where do you work?
Me: Marketing
Cashier: (blank stare and traces of confusion)
Me: (taking my change) Thanks! Have a nice day.

Company Lobby, X number of months ago. Me as myself, and random black women / job seeker as herself

Job Seeker: Excuse me do you work here?
Me: yes
Job Seeker: Where can I fill out an application?
Me: I’m actually not sure
Job Seeker: well how’d you get your job here?
Me: I applied online
Job Seeker: (surprised) Really?! And they called you back?
Me: Yup

She never asked what job I had and I didn’t ask what job she wanted. I guess we are both guilty.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Don't Quit Your Day Job.. OR Your Side Hustle

Why is it that people know the lottery is a sham and they still play it? The Mega Millions is now at $355 Million (it was $330 Million but the jackpot increased because so many hopeful souls have purchased tickets) and people all over the city are going bananas. Giving in to the temptation to start planning exactly what they would do with the money. Some people say you just have to think positive. Others have special numbers or superstitious tricks that might make them win. Some people think an old person always wins. (My Great Grand Aunt plays all the time and she is 97 and she certainly has not won). But I know that I never win anything so I’m sure I can’t win this. That is not me being pessimistic. It is not just because I am not a lucky kind of person. But because my chances of winning the jackpot are literally one in 175,711,536, according to the Mega Millions Web site (as are yours). And the reason the jackpot is so big is because it has rolled over 15 times because no one has won it since November. I know what you are thinking, yes someone has to win. But at this point it is more likely that you will:

*Get struck by lightening - 1 in 750,000
*Have quadruplets naturally – 1 in 729,000
*Catch Polio in a country that actually still has Polio like Nigeria – 1 in 1.3 million
*Die in a fireworks accident – 1 in 1,000,000
*Contract the human version of Mad Cow Disease – 1 in 40,000,000
*Die from SARS in the U.S. – 1 in 100,000,000

Ok you get my point. Anyway I went in for $2 with a friend. Two dollars and a lot of dreams.